Wednesday, 26 March 2008

Easter Camping Trip

As I lay on the precipice of my under inflated camping mattress, not quite warm, pillow hijacked by the toddler, I became aware of a sound in the distance. A high pitched whine of engines.

In my midnight delirium I thought, "The fucking bogans are out riding their dirt bikes in the dark."

It was audible beyond the moans of my diarrhoea stricken husband, beyond the rowdy singing of the group of drunken campers on the other side of the dried up creek bed. The creek bed just behind our tent where lay the rotting sheep carcass. The sheep carcass which lay just beyond the large communal garbage bins, the bins which which were situated just next to our tent and the pool of vomit my son had produced earlier.

I quietly congratulated myself on the ideal location of our tent.

Morning found me feeling decidedly nauseous and upon my first journey to the toilet block, I heard the damned engine sound again. All was revealed, the fucking bogans hadn't been riding their dirt bikes in the dark, they were playing video games.

It was supposed to be a bush camping trip. It was supposed to have included such things as campfires, quiet, bush sounds and feelings of bonhomie or at the very least bonmothernaturie. It was supposed to be fun. It wasn't supposed to have included gastro. I couldn't even eat my Easter chocolate.


Blogger Tanya Brown said...

That's a truly wonderful piece of prose. What can I do or say to apologize for laughing my ass off while I read it?

Um, hope you're feeling better now ...

26 March 2008 at 17:18  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

So... I wonder why I don't go camping... You're really selling it to me!

26 March 2008 at 17:26  
Blogger Stomper Girl said...

Oh love, that is truly terrible. Fucking bogans. Also, don't visit me until the gastro is all gone.

26 March 2008 at 17:49  
Blogger Jodie said...

You need to produce a brochure ! Hilarious.

26 March 2008 at 18:17  
Blogger M said...

Urgh. What is it with Easter and Camping? And, yes, it is criminal beyond criminal to have any form of electronic paraphernalia on a camping trip. Unless it is an electronic shower and flushing toilet for me.

26 March 2008 at 20:17  
Blogger h&b said...



26 March 2008 at 20:41  
Anonymous Frogdancer said...

And so you confirm my hatred of camping...

26 March 2008 at 20:46  
Blogger Louise said...

Blah! Give me a nice holiday house anytime!

26 March 2008 at 21:07  
Blogger Fairlie said...

Even more evidence as to why camping is the reason hotels were invented.

27 March 2008 at 09:37  
Blogger meggie said...

Crap!! In more ways than one. I remember a holiday just like that. Cured us for life!

27 March 2008 at 17:07  
Blogger bluemountainsmary said...

I'm with PPatcher - you have just confirmed all over again why I don't camp.

Poor you - I hope you are feeling better.

And I am sorry I laughed whilst I read this.

27 March 2008 at 20:43  
Blogger crafty said...

Please, no apologies for laughing.

We are all much better, thankyou.

27 March 2008 at 21:47  
Blogger Melinda said...

It's okay to laugh AFTER. We've had the gastro. HATE gastro. HATE, HATE, HATE it. Especially the cleaning up after parts. Think we'll skip any camping trips for awhile. You have horrified me here.

28 March 2008 at 02:30  
Blogger crankydee said...

kiddo - wanted to add something you know funny or meaningful - but I am afraid I was just like everyone else THANK GOD IT WASN'T ME

28 March 2008 at 20:47  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I know you wrote this a week ago and I know it's cruel to laugh, but can I just say that:
A week ago I read this and laughed. Today I read it again and laughed some more! Nothing amuses me more than the misery of others.

Please tell me you are all well again?

3 April 2008 at 19:26  

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